
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/215569.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Final_Fantasy_X
  Relationship:
      Auron/Tidus
  Character:
      Tidus, Auron
  Additional Tags:
      pre-game, Spoilers
  Stats:
      Published: 2005-03-05 Completed: 2005-03-07 Chapters: 2/2 Words: 9857
****** Second Chance ******
by zanarkand
Summary
     Because everyone deserves a second chance to make things right.
***** lust? *****
He sat there anxiously, watching the older man as he lay sleeping in bed. Auron
had been out of it for four hours now, and he was getting more worried with
each minute that passed. He didn't know what he'd do if something were to
happen to Auron.
Heck, he hadn't even thought something could happen to his self-appointed
guardian. Auron was always so... well, he wasn't quite sure what it was he
thought Auron was, but it was something. Not immortal, certainly, and not
invincible, but pretty damn close. Auron was simply meant to be around until
Tidus died of old age, that's all. That something could happen to him was
unthinkable.
But, here he was, sitting here watching over Auron and hoping desperately the
man wouldn't die on him. That fiend had attacked him and bitten him pretty bad.
Tidus supposed he was lucky the fiend hadn't bitten all of them, or he was
pretty sure they wouldn't have been around right now. They would have been in
whatever kind of afterlife there was.
He was also lucky they'd been able to get Auron back to the houseboat. The man
was tall, and damned heavy besides. Nor was he much help, drifting in and out
of consciousness as he had been. It had taken all four of them to get him here
and into the bed. His friends had left once they did, looking shaken and
thankful to be alive. Tidus had then brought a chair from the table downstairs
and set it next to Auron's bed, where he promptly sat in it and watched Auron,
bringing him to the point he was at now.
Four hours and ten minutes. How long would Auron stay unconscious? How long was
it safe for him to be unconscious, anyways? Tidus didn't really know much about
medical things. Auron hadn't suffered any head injuries, so he was assuming it
was okay... he just wasn't really sure. But he had lost a fair amount of blood.
Seeing all the blood on Auron and on the ground, instead of in his body where
it belonged, had almost made Tidus faint. And he wasn't the type to do that.
It had scared him, for sure. He'd thought Auron was dead right then, but Auron
had somehow managed to lift his head up and give Tidus this grim sort of smile,
as if he'd been able to tell what Tidus was thinking. So he'd been relieved,
but only slightly. Auron could still die. He had no way of knowing how serious
the injury was.
"Don't you dare die on me," Tidus whispered to him. Auron shifted slightly on
the bed, giving Tidus an anxious pause for a moment. But Auron didn't wake, and
he was still once more. Tidus couldn't even tell if he was breathing, since his
chest didn't seem to be rising up and down. Tidus blinked, eyes widening as
possible implications of what that could mean hit him... then Auron moved
again.
Tidus sighed, relieved beyond words.
                                     * * *
Auron groaned, and opened his eye, wincing as a stinging pain suddenly made
itself known in his left shoulder.
"Auron!" Tidus cried, barely resisting the urge to stand and fling his arms
around his guardian in desperate relief. It had been eight hours, he was
seriously starting to think Auron wasn't ever going to wake... but no, Auron's
amber gaze was upon him, and he was awake and alive, if not well.
Auron only continued to gaze at the fourteen year old next to him. He actually
looked a little confused, an expression that was usually found on his face when
faced with some new machina to decipher. The look on his face was fairly
similar to that, though it was more of a "where the hell am I?" confusion than
a "what the hell is this?" one.
"Eh..." Tidus grinned sheepishly, not quite sure what to say. The look Auron
was giving him now threw him off. Auron looked almost... mad? "Glad you're
okay," Tidus told him, at a loss for words. He didn't know why Auron would be
mad at him, if indeed he was.
"Stupid boy," Auron growled at him suddenly, and the hesitant smile dropped
instantly off Tidus' face. Ok, so Auron was mad at him. But he didn't have a
clue why. Auron hadn't even been conscious for the last eight hours, how could
he be mad?
"Um..."
"Don't you ever do something that foolish again. I thought you were going to
die."
"Oh." Tidus was relieved. The grin returned. "Yeah, well, it's mutual." He left
it up to Auron to decide just what he meant—mutual that they thought Tidus was
going to die, or that Tidus thought Auron was going to die. It had been both,
really. The way those fiends had come upon him and his friends, seemingly out
of nowhere—he'd just known that he was going to die.
He hadn't expected Auron to show up.
But it was a good thing he had, because if he hadn't, then they all really
would have died. He was just thankful Auron hadn't died as well.
"...Auron?' he spoke up, his thoughts suddenly reminding him of a question he'd
wondered about earlier.
"Hm?" Auron responded easily enough, though it was a bit absently. His thoughts
had been elsewhere, and Tidus wished he knew what the man had been thinking.
Auron so often kept to himself, he felt he barely knew his guardian at times.
Certainly he didn't know him well enough as he wished he did.
"How'd you know that fiends has gotten into Zanarkand anyway?"
"I didn't," came the short reply.
Tidus blinked, and paused to digest this. "...Oh. So, then—"
"I was following you." That one eye gazed levelly at him, his carefully neutral
face giving nothing away.
"Why?" Tidus asked curiously, only half-surprised. Auron had always followed
him when he was younger, he knew, but he'd thought the man had quit that a few
years back. But there'd been a couple of times when he'd thought Auron was
around, so it wasn't too surprising to find Auron still followed him.
"I'm your guardian. And... because I promised Jecht."
Tidus didn't know what to say to that one. He turned his face away, suddenly
not wanting to look Auron in the eye anymore. Anytime Auron brought Jecht up,
it always made him feel uncomfortable. He was never sure quite what he thought
about it. It was obvious Jecht had been important to Auron in some way, and
that bothered him for more reasons than he cared to think about, usually.
"Oh!" Tidus cried, suddenly pretending to remember. "I just remembered I left
the heat on downstairs. Guess I better go turn it off before I burn the place
down, huh?" And without waiting for a reply, he ran off.
Auron watched him go, smiling slightly to himself. He knew the boy was just
making an excuse to leave for a few moments—he almost always did when talk
turned to Jecht.
His smile quickly faded though, as his thoughts turned to other matters. For
one thing, how long had Tidus been sitting by his bed? The whole time he'd been
out, however long that was? He sensed that it'd been several hours, and it was
somewhat surprising to think Tidus would stay by his side that long. If he had.
It suddenly seemed important to know. And yet, he didn't want to know. Because
he was afraid of the answer. Afraid of what it meant.
He hadn't wanted to get emotionally attached to Tidus. He was unsent, and
knowing that Tidus was merely a dream of the fayth residing back in Spira...
Nor did he care anything about getting hurt again. He'd allowed himself to care
for Braska and Jecht, and the price he paid for it had just cost too damn much.
He didn't want anything like that again. It was why he was always careful to be
so quiet and somewhat distant around Tidus, doing only what was necessary to
keep his promise to Jecht.
It was easy to tell himself all that, at least. As for just when he'd stopped
listening to himself... he wasn't quite sure. Maybe when Tidus had started
caring about him. Jecht had often accused him of not caring or feeling, but
Auron knew it was more a matter of how well he was able to hide his emotions.
Besides, it was hard not to care for an eight-year-old boy who looked up to you
for guidance and reassurance. He knew that he was all Tidus had, there was no
one else. He supposed it shouldn't have surprised that Tidus would start to
care. Hell, he was more of a father than Jecht had been to his son, and that
was saying a lot.
Of course, none of this did anything to answer the question he wanted to know.
Had Tidus stayed by him the whole time; and if so, why?
                                     * * *
Tidus didn't have to admit to himself that he was running away. It was obvious,
and he knew Auron had easily recognized it for what it was. Kind of hard not
to, since he'd always found some excuse to leave the room when Auron brought up
his old man. He was always so afraid that Auron would actually talk about
Jecht, and tell him things he didn't want to know. Things that might make it
harder to hate him.
But he also knew that it was only part of this time. That he was running from
other reasons. Reasons he didn't exactly want to examine too closely.
"Agh," he muttered under his breath. It was all so confusing. He didn't know
what Auron meant to him anymore. Wasn't sure he wanted to know. Ok, so... he
cared for Auron, sure. Auron had raised him for the past seven years. Auron had
been there for him. Auron had protected him. Auron had... had been fulfilling
his promise to Jecht. But it went beyond that. It must have. Or maybe he just
didn't want to think about what it meant if a promise was all that it meant to
Auron.
He sighed then, and let out a low, frustrated growl. "I am not thinking about
this now." It could wait for some other time. Later. Like never, perhaps. In
the meantime, he had to get back upstairs to Auron. He gave the wall a glare
for good measure, then turned and rushed back up the stairs to see if Auron
needed anything, smiling cheerfully as he did.
"Hey Auron, I'm back—oh...!"
It happened so fast he wasn't even sure what had happened. One minute he was
hurrying towards the bed, the next he was falling through the air and landing
on Auron. Or, to be more precise, his lips were landing on Auron's lips. It was
nothing more than a gentle brush of flesh against flesh, but it was too much.
Far too much.
Tidus jerked back as if he'd been shocked, his eyes wide. He found himself
unable to tear his gaze away from Auron's face, which looked decidedly shocked
itself. Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit was all his mind could seem to produce.
"Uh..." he squeaked out shakily. He stopped and took a deep breath, tried
again. "So-sorry... I didn't mean—I fell." He shut up then, not knowing what
else to say, not believing what had just happened.
After a long, long moment Auron nodded. "It's fine. Don't worry about it."
"Sure." Tidus tried to grin, only half managing. He suddenly wanted out, away
from the room and away from Auron, who just continued to watch him calmly.
"Hungry? I could go fix something to eat..."
Another pause, and then Auron nodded again. Tidus grinned completely this time,
relieved to have an excuse to leave. "I'll be back in a bit."
His first instinct was to turn and bolt out the door, but he restrained
himself, walking casually instead. He wasn't about to do anything stupid with
Auron watching. Once downstairs though, he allowed himself to sink to his
knees, back against the wall of the galley. "Oh geeze," he said out loud,
appalled to notice his voice shaking.
How the hell had that happened? There wasn't anything in the room for him to
trip on. Unless of course he tripped over his own feet. Which he did sometimes.
Not that he was a klutz or anything, but sometimes he got too damn impatient
for his own good. It had apparently been one of those times.
And now he couldn't get the incident out of his head. It had just been the
briefest of touches, a mere accident... but in that split second when their
lips had met, he'd felt something like a shock of electricity hit him. And he
hadn't wanted to pull away, the jerking back of his body had been purely
reflex.
It hadn't been a kiss... but he wanted it to be. That realization hit him with
a sudden pang, and he didn't know what to make of it. Just from one stupid
moment, nothing made sense anymore. He wondered if Auron was as confused as he
was, but he thought probably not. Auron was older, stupid stuff like that had
probably happened to him before. And it didn't seem to mean much to Auron
anyways, seeing as he'd told Tidus to forget about it.
Still... he was scared. All of a sudden he was feeling these things he'd
previously shoved to the back of his mind. Combine that with having to worry
about Auron's reaction to it, and how this might affect their future
relationship, and he was one overwhelmed teenager.
He wished he could just hide downstairs for the rest of his life and not ever
have to look at Auron again. But of course that wasn't possible. Auron would
get out of bed and come down sooner or later, and it wasn't as if Tidus could
go live somewhere else. Even so, he considered it for one fleeting second...
Tidus sighed. He wished there was someone to tell him what he was supposed to
do now, because he didn't have a clue. The only thing he could think of was to
act normal around Auron. Whatever normal was.
                                     * * *
Auron remained very still after Tidus left, his mind very deliberately trying
not to think about what just happened. Absently, he lifted his hand to his
mouth, fingers brushing across his lips. He could still feel Tidus against
them, brief as it had been.
He knew it didn't mean anything. It had been a mere accident, nothing more.
Tidus had pulled away instantly, and he'd looked at Auron with such a terrified
expression on his face, like he thought Auron might try to kill him for what
had happened. Still, for an instant there, he thought he'd seen something else
in the boy's eyes. Something a bit like... want.
He could have been imagining it. But none of it mattered. He'd told Tidus not
to worry about it, his words implying it meant nothing. He doubted the words
had reassured the blond much, Tidus had scurried out of the room so fast it was
almost laughable.
He quite distinctly heard Tidus' "Oh geeze," then, the sound carrying upstairs.
He sounded shaken. Nope, definitely not reassured.
Well, he supposed he'd only been fooling himself. The incident meant
everything. Too much, really. How was he supposed to act distant towards Tidus
now? It had been damned hard before, pretending he didn't care so much. And it
was just a charade Tidus had seen easily through. But he'd kept it up, for both
their sakes. And it had helped, some. He wasn't quite as... attracted to Tidus
as he could have been.
Attracted. Funny, how that word just came out. It was the first time he'd
admitted it to himself, even if it was only in his thoughts. He was attracted
to Tidus. And the incident of a few moments ago had just made things worse.
He could hardly call it a kiss. Hell, Tidus hadn't even done it on purpose. But
still, it had been there... he'd felt it. That tingling shock of something like
electricity racing throughout his body at that oh-so-brief contact. He couldn't
recall the last time he'd felt something like that. And it had awakened in him
a desire he'd long ago thought was buried. He wanted to feel those lips against
his again. Hell, he wanted more than just that.
But of course he couldn't. He didn't want the relationship between him and
Tidus to change for the worse. He didn't want to frighten the boy either. He'd
just have to act as he always did around Tidus, hard as that may suddenly be.
He didn't know how he was going to pull it off.
                                     * * *
Acting normal was harder than he thought. Every time he turned around, Tidus
was there. And he always seemed to be staring at Auron with a thoughtful look
on his face. It unnerved him, because he couldn't tell what the blond was
thinking. But he wanted to know. He wanted to know really, really badly.
Of course, he'd done his fair share of thoughtful staring at Tidus too. He
could hardly help it. Being around Tidus was nothing more than a painful
reminder of the kiss that wasn't a kiss. He found it suddenly hard to speak to
the boy, because every time he opened his mouth he was reminded of the feel of
lips softly brushing against his. A jolt, and then the absence of everything
settling heavily around him.
It wasn't just when he was awake either. He'd waken every night the past week
to find his fingers pressing against his lips, his mind full of the image of
how Tidus had looked just before falling against him, and then his eyes
widening as he jerked away, that shocked and terrified look on his face. It
made it really hard to get a decent night's sleep.
The passage of time had done nothing to lessen the memory of the incident
either. It was just as fresh in his mind as it had been the night it happened.
It made everything between them change. The air was full of sexually charged
tension, the weight of it pressing heavily down on them, causing them to snap
at each other more often than they normally would have. When he wasn't thinking
about that incident, he was busy trying not to think about how badly he wanted
the blond. About how much he couldn't have Tidus. And it put him on edge, this
desperate unbalance of emotions and feelings he'd thought were gone forever.
He couldn't tell if Tidus sensed it or not. Sure, Tidus obviously knew things
were different now. But did Tidus recognize it for what it was, or did he think
it simply the embarrassment of an accident already forgotten by his guardian?
Hell, he didn't even know if Tidus was still thinking about it, or if he'd put
it out of his mind, determined it meant nothing.
He'd wanted—had even tried, once—to talk about it with Tidus, prompted by
something like 'fatherly' instinct. Or maybe it was just his subconscious
trying to determine whether or not he had even the remotest of a chance with
his young charge. But it hadn't worked. His throat had closed up, choking down
words not even fully formed in his mind. Tidus had given him a strange look,
then an odd sort of brief smile. Almost like he knew what Auron was trying to
say and understood why he couldn't. That was almost as unnerving as not knowing
what Tidus was thinking.
But he knew he'd have to say something soon, this incident was destroying their
carefully built relationship of the past seven years and he'd be damned if he
didn't do something to salvage it. The biggest problem with that, though, was
that there never seemed to be a good time to talk to Tidus. Either he was busy
with school or blitzball, or hanging out with his friends, or sleeping, or
sometimes just plain avoiding Auron. It wasn't unusual for Auron to wake around
midnight and hear the click of the front door latching as Tidus quietly came
back in from wherever he'd been out all day and evening. The only time they
really saw each other was in the morning before Tidus left, and Auron had to
admit he was not exactly a morning person. Hardly an opportune time to talk
about something so important.
However, tomorrow was Sunday. Tidus never failed to spend that day lazing
around the houseboat and relaxing, worn out from the week and recharging his
energy for the week to come. Even with things the way they were between them,
Auron didn't doubt Tidus would spend the day at home, with him. He would talk
about this tomorrow with Tidus if it killed him.
                                     * * *
"Tidus?"
Tidus looked up absently from where he'd been lounging around the couch, doing
little more than daydreaming about Auron. He scowled when he saw the guardian
of his fantasies standing over him, annoyed to have been interrupted. Auron's
tone sounded serious, though he couldn't read anything from that impassive
face, expression hidden as usual by the dark glasses and absurd collar he wore
so high over his face. "What is it, old man," he said, not bothering to make it
a question. He just wanted Auron to go away so he could back to daydreaming and
trying to convince himself he didn't really want Auron.
"We need to talk."
Oh great, Tidus thought, inwardly groaning to himself. Auron's idea of 'talk'
was never pleasant. Often it was uncomfortable to the point of acute
embarrassment, as Auron fumbled over words in his attempt to 'talk'. Their past
'talks'—about Jecht, about his mother, about his less than stellar grades at
school, about girls—had all been very awkward conversations that might have
been better left alone. The tone of Auron's voice promised this wasn't going to
be fun, either. But still. He'd act normal. "About what?"
"About—well..." Auron came over and sat down next to Tidus as the teen scooted
over to make room, knowing Auron would find it easier to say whatever it was if
he didn't have to look at Tidus as he said it. "About last week," he finally
said, indeed finding it easier to speak now that he wasn't looking at Tidus.
Tidus felt a knot forming in his stomach, suddenly, at Auron's words. Auron
didn't have to clarify 'last week'; Tidus knew all too well what he was
referring to. He knows! his mind screamed at him. A nervous ball of panic
joined the knot in his stomach and started zipping around, looking for an
escape. He knows I like him... or something... His mind still wasn't too clear
on that point, on just what exactly he did feel for Auron.
Okay, calm. Just play it cool. Maybe he doesn't actually know, only suspects.
"What about it?" He shrugged, the epitome of casualness. "I'd pretty much
forgotten about it." His voice shook very slightly as he said that, and he
could only hope Auron didn't notice.
"Yes, well, um." Auron fumbled about, flustered and at a loss for words. This
wasn't going the way he'd wanted at all.
Seeing Auron look so lost and confused—a look usually on his face only when
dealing with Zanarkand's advanced technology—Tidus took pity on him. "Hey, it
was just an accident. It meant nothing. I haven't been fretting over it, if
that's what you're worried about." He didn't dare look at Auron, though he
could feel the man's gaze upon him now, boring a hole into the side of his
head. He didn't want the man to see that he was dangerously close to tears all
of a sudden, and could only hope his lie was believable enough.
"Tidus—" Auron said gently, and he knew he hadn't fooled his guardian for a
second. Should have known, since when had he ever been able to fool him? The
only person he was fooling was himself if he thought so.
"Don't!" he said quickly, cutting off whatever else the man might have said.
"Just don't," he repeated, less forcibly. He took a deep breath, then faced
Auron with a cocky grin. Lust. That's what it was. Lust, and nothing more. It
didn't matter. It wasn't worth admitting to Auron, to screw up their
relationship more than it was currently. "Look, I'm... I'm going to go play
some blitzball, okay? I'll be back later," he said, deliberately changing the
subject. As far as he was concerned, the previous discussion never happened.
He threw another grin Auron's way as he got up, taking care to saunter casually
out of the houseboat, like nothing important had just happened. He headed out
to the docks, grabbing a blitzball that was rolling around in the light breeze
coming in off the water. He tossed it in the air, and quickly shot up after it,
body all speed and grace as he flipped through the air, aiming a perfect kick
that sent the ball flying across the ocean. He came back down with a splash and
wasted no time in chasing after the ball, not wanting it to get away. He'd lost
plenty of balls practicing his sphere shot, and it was fast getting old.
He tried not to think of Auron.
***** love. *****
Strained silence.
At one time, that would have been uncommon in the household of Tidus and Auron,
but now it was just another part of their life, something they'd grown to
accept, as much as neither of them liked it. But nor did they ever try to
repair a relationship that somehow seemed broken beyond repair.
"Sorry," Tidus said, speaking just as Auron said the same thing. Tidus shook
his head and sighed, not bothering to say anything else. It was all so damn
awkward. He wasn't sure just whose fault that was. He only knew it had been
like this since that stupid conversation Auron tried to have two years
previously.
Two years. It had been two years since that one small incident had impacted so
largely on their lives, but not once in all that time had his feelings
lessened. He lusted after Auron just as much as he had when he was fourteen,
maybe even more so now that he was older and ruled even more by his hormones.
Take now, for example. Even with something as simple as reaching for the same
thing at the same time and brushing his hand against Auron's in the process
caused a tightening in his stomach and groin that he was all too familiar with
these days. Feelings that failed to be provoked by anyone else. He'd had a
relationship a time or two since realizing his lust for Auron, and not once had
he come anywhere close to feeling what he felt about Auron. The man consumed
his thoughts constantly, both waking and sleeping. It had filled the air around
them with a sexually charged tension that hadn't dissipated once in the past
two years.
And he was almost a hundred percent certain Auron knew about it. He'd as good
as admitted it. Don't, he'd said. The word had been full of more meaning than
could easily be expressed in words. He hadn't bothered to try. Instead, he'd
done what he always did when faced with something he wanted to avoid—he ran.
He'd stayed out all night, and when he'd returned the next morning—the first
time he'd ever broken a promise to his guardian—Auron was gone.
He could still remember the feeling of choked terror that descended upon him as
he'd searched throughout the houseboat and the surrounding outside area, trying
in vain to find a man who didn't want to be found. At last he'd given up,
collapsing in bed, burying his head in his pillow to muffle his sobs though no
one was around to hear them. He'd been convinced Auron was gone for good.
He'd chosen to spend that whole first week crying in bed, blowing off school
and blitzball and whatnot, not daring to leave the houseboat for fear that
Auron might come back and he wouldn't be there. As it happened, he finally had
to venture out for food, and when he came back in, Auron was there. Just
standing there, looking around him as if the houseboat was a foreign place he'd
never seen before.
Tidus hadn't said anything—instead; he'd started crying. Auron had only looked
at him, and even behind those damned glasses he could see the pain reflected in
Auron's one eye. It had been too much. He'd turned and fled to his room.
Nothing had been the same since then—but at least Auron had stayed. He seemed
to sense Tidus' needing him, even if they weren't quite on good speaking terms.
He scowled absently down at his food as he ate, Auron sitting silently across
the table from him. "Not quite good, my ass," he muttered, not even caring that
Auron heard him and raised a quizzical eyebrow at him. No speaking terms was
more like it. And hell, why was he even bothering to dredge all this up in his
mind anyways? It wasn't going to change anything.
Angrily, he shoved his half-eaten dinner away from him, and then slammed his
chair back as he stood, stomping out of the houseboat down to the docks to work
his frustration out on an innocent blitzball.
It wasn't fair. He wanted Auron so damn much. But if he had been unattainable
two years ago, he was even more so now. The way things were between them, he'd
never have Auron. "It's not FAIR!" he growled, kicking the ball with as much
force as possible, watching it arc through the air before coming back down in
the water with a splash. It started to float gently away on the waves. Tidus
didn't bother to go after it. He could always get another blitzball, annoying
as it was.
He sighed, running a hand through sun-kissed bleached blond hair. He was tired
of living like this with Auron. He wanted things to be different. Not back to
the way they were before. Something better. Something more. But he didn't know
how to make that happen. It drove him crazy.
                                     * * *
Fingers touched lips absently.
He watched.
A beautiful blond blur of grace and speed, Tidus moved through the water easily
as he went after the ball, his movements fluid and sure. He caught up to the
opposing player quickly, tackling him, going for control of the ball. With one
minute left, the game was tied 4-4.
He gained the ball back easily, dribbling it down to the other end of the
sphere towards the goal. Forty seconds left. He stared, entranced as the ball
flew up in the air, Tidus shooting up after it, flipping deftly, aiming a
perfect kick that sent the ball flying through the goal with ten seconds to
spare.
Tidus was just as beautiful and amazing to watch as he had been when he was
younger, his skilled talent in the water unsurpassable by anyone else his age.
Auron loved to watch him.
He almost seemed to be enchanted by Tidus at times, breath taken away by sheer
beauty and fingers absently pressing at lips in remembrance of soft lips
brushing lightly against his before jerking away so violently. In two years,
attraction had only grown steadily as the fourteen year old boy slowly begin
growing into a sixteen year old young man. He hadn't quite reached adulthood
yet, but the transformation was sometimes heart-achingly painful to watch.
Painful, and phenomenally wonderful, made all the more bittersweet by their
somewhat soured relationship.
With what was almost visible effort, he wrenched his eyes away from the
teenager down there laughing and high-fiving his teammates in victory, and got
up to head back home. Tidus usually stayed out partying after a game, but he
never wanted to take the chance that Tidus might one day stop by the houseboat.
Tidus had no idea that Auron went to his games, and he wanted to keep it that
way. Just why it should be a secret, he didn't really know. It just felt like
the right thing to do.
He started the walk back to the houseboat, but some sudden instinct prompted
him to stick around and follow Tidus instead. It was just a gut feeling, and he
wasn't sure what it meant. So he hid back in the shadows where Tidus wasn't
likely to notice him, waiting.
Tidus passed by a few hours later, alone. Auron let him go a ways down the
street, feeling foolish. Perhaps he was just getting paranoid in his old age,
Tidus was perfectly fine. And now he had to figure out how to get back before—
A shrill scream pierced through the air just then, and Auron sprung into action
immediately. Fiends had gotten in Zanarkand, and now they were attacking Tidus.
His Tidus. He growled in anger as he reached them, pulling his sword from its
sheath and swinging heavily, slicing through one of the lizard creatures with
enough strength to kill in just the one blow. It let out a weak dying cry as it
hit the ground, already fading away on small flittering clouds of pyreflies.
The other fiends shrieked in anger and started to circle around him, preparing
to attack.
"Auron!" Tidus choked out before letting out another pained yell. Auron whirled
around, ignoring one of the fiends as it leaped, its teeth sinking deep into
Auron's arm. Tidus was on the ground, one of the lizards on top of him, its
claws digging into the blond's chest, its teeth almost seeming to gnaw at the
left arm Tidus had held up to shield his face.
Auron shook off the fiend on his own arm, briefly wishing this was Spira so he
could use the small bit of magic he'd once known. But in the dream of Zanarkand
a thousand years old, magic didn't exist. So he did the next best thing. Using
his sword like a spear, he jabbed it at the fiend on Tidus, piercing through
its tough scaly skin, aiming for the heart. It let out a snarl of rage and
abandoned Tidus in favour of attacking Auron, who sliced it in half mid-air as
it jumped. It fell to the ground heavily, and he turned his attention to the
three fiends left. Blood dripped out from under his red coat and splattered
onto the ground, a few drops landing on Tidus.
He took out the last three fiends easily, though another managed to get in a
good swipe, claws slicing deeply through his flesh and drawing more blood from
his body. Dimly he heard Tidus crying behind him, but ignored it as he slashed
at the last fiend. It moved nimbly aside, and the blade only grazed its side.
Another well-aimed slash that anticipated its dodge turned it into a burst of
pyreflies, and they were safe once more.
He re-sheathed his sword and turned around, kneeling down beside Tidus, who
looked up at him, tears still glittering in his eyes.
"You're hurt," Tidus whispered between shaky breaths.
"It's nothing," Auron said gruffly, getting his arms underneath Tidus and
lifting him easily, preparing to carry him back to the houseboat. For once
there was none of the awkward silence between them, the tension gone for the
first time in two years. Neither of them noticed it. Auron walked the rest of
the way back as carefully as he could, not wanting to hurt Tidus worse than he
was.
At last they were there, and he shifted Tidus' weight in his arms slightly so
he could reach out with one hand to open the door. Carrying Tidus upstairs, he
laid him down on the bed and removed his shirt to get a better look at the
wound the fiend had given him. It wasn't deep, but Tidus groaned when he
touched it gently, and Auron suddenly wished Braska were here with his Curaga
magic.
"Don't move," Auron commanded, and went downstairs to get Tidus some potion,
lacking anything better to help him with at the moment. He ignored his own
wounds completely as he brought the potion back upstairs, sitting Tidus up and
helping him drink it. It seemed to help a bit, for Tidus murmured something
that could have been a thanks as he closed his eyes, exhausted now and wanting
sleep.
Auron stayed there beside him until he heard the steady even breathing that
meant Tidus was asleep, and then he slipped quietly out of the room, still not
bothering to do anything about his own injuries just yet. He stood in the
doorway a moment, watching the rise and fall of Tidus' bare chest as he slept,
the tanned skin marred by three angry red lines that would eventually fade to
nothing, thanks to the potion.
He could have lost Tidus. That thought was uppermost in his mind, looming,
taunting him. If he hadn't listened to his instincts and stayed, Tidus would be
dead right now. The thought was terrifying. He couldn't bear to lose Tidus, the
boy was all he had left. He hadn't realized that, hadn't realized just how
important Tidus was to him, until tonight. He'd known it in a flash, when he'd
heard Tidus' panicked cry. What he felt for Tidus went beyond simple
attraction. It had for some time; only being his Auron self he'd stubbornly
refused to acknowledge it, telling himself it was just lust that made him want
the boy so damn fiercely.
Tidus shifted in his sleep, a frown spreading across his face, eyes squeezing
shut tighter. Nightmare. With Tidus not awake to see him, he crossed the
distance back to the bed and hesitantly reached his hand out. He stopped, hand
hovering over Tidus' head, unsure. What if Tidus woke up?
Who cared?
Plucking up his courage, he lowered his hand and ran it gently through dyed-
blond strands, trying in some small way to soothe Tidus from the nightmare.
Tidus mumbled something in his sleep then, the one word making Auron freeze and
flash back to a conversation of two years ago, a conversation that had went
horribly wrong. "Don't."
He could still recall the conversation with painful clarity. He'd intended to
reassure Tidus, to let him know that nothing would change between them, but
instead he'd botched it horribly and it changed everything.
He still didn't know what Tidus had meant that day, that one word "don't"
having infinite possible meanings behind it. Nor had Tidus bothered to explain,
instead choosing to pretend everything was fine before running off again. But
he couldn't fault Tidus for it.
After all, he'd ran too.
                                     * * *
"We need to talk."
"About what?"
He opened his mouth but words did not come. Instead a fiend leaped out, a giant
lizard creature with tough green scales covering its entire body. It landed on
all fours in front of him, eyes red and glowing as it glared at him.
He froze, stuck in his place by terror. "Don't," he whispered.
The fiend crouched low, preparing to leap. It opened its mouth. "I hate you."
"Don't," he said again, helplessly.
"I hate you," it repeated. "I've always hated you. You're a worthless crybaby."
"I'm not," he protested, even as his eyes started to fill with tears.
"Please... don't hate me..."
The fiend leaped then, landing on him and knocking him backwards to the ground,
claws digging into his chest. He felt blood begin to trickle out and slide
down, forming a small pool on the ground partially beneath him. A few tears
slid out of his eyes and down his cheeks. "Please..." he begged.
He stared into Auron's face above him, the older man's knees pressing down on
his chest. His eyes lacked the dark glasses he usually wore, and he glared down
at him. "I hate you," he hissed. "I have always hated you."
"Don't," he sobbed. "Don't hate me. I... I love you... please..."
"Ha! You're not even worthy of loving me. You are nothing. You never were. And
you never will amount to anything. You're nothing but the stupid crybaby Jecht
said you were. Don't make me laugh Tidus."
"No..."
"Tidus."
"Don't..."
"Tidus."
"Tidus."
He woke with a start, gasping for breath, heart racing. A dream. It had just
been a dream. A very strange dream, at that.
"Tidus," Auron said again, and he looked to his left. Auron was kneeling beside
the bed, his eye peering at the teen in worry. "Are you okay?"
Tidus nodded, mind already tuning Auron out as he drifted back to his dream. It
made him slightly uncomfortable to think about it. He'd said he loved Auron.
Why had he said that? He didn't love Auron, only lusted after him... right?
Didn't he? But Auron... Auron said he hated him. It was just a dream. It didn't
mean anything real. Besides, he and Auron didn't talk anymore. Auron wouldn't
have said that to him even if he did feel that way. Would he?
His thoughts tumbled around his mind, confused and miserably unsure of anything
anymore. He looked back to his left, where Auron was staring at him, concern
evident in his eye. And suddenly Tidus felt so unutterably weary, exhausted of
it all, sick of the way they'd been living the past two years. He could have
died tonight, if Auron hadn't been there. The similarity to the events of two
years ago that started this all didn't escape him. It was as if life was trying
to tell them something, to offer them a second chance. A chance to finally make
things right.
And he wanted that desperately. So desperately it hurt.
"Do you hate me?" he spoke up unsteadily, blurting out the question without
giving himself time to think about it, hoping to catch Auron off-guard.
"What?" Auron blinked at him, and stood quickly. Tidus moved aside, an open
invitation for Auron to sit beside him. Auron took it, sitting down gingerly,
almost afraid to, it seemed.
"Do you hate me?" Tidus asked him again, his voice level this time.
Auron looked at him, face unreadable, only the small frown revealing his
confusion. "No," he said, not elaborating. Tidus gazed back at him, seeing his
determined and slightly scared expression reflecting back at him in Auron's
glasses.
"I... I don't hate you either," he whispered.
Auron chuckled softly. "Glad we're clear on that."
A spark of anger. He clenched the sheets tightly in fists, the knuckles turning
white from the pressure. "It isn't a joke, Auron. It isn't funny."
But Auron only smiled at him, the first smile Tidus had seen from him in two
years. "I know," he said, voice serious. "Tidus—"
"Don't," he said, the word out before he could stop it. He swallowed, mouth
going dry. "I mean," he tried again, then stopped. He really didn't have any
idea what he wanted to say, only that he wanted things right between them
again. "Look. Auron, I want—"
And there he stopped again, helpless. What did he want, really? A lot of
things. He wanted things to be okay again. He wanted for Auron to talk to him
again. He just plain wanted Auron. He wanted to kiss Auron. He wanted—
"Fuck it," he muttered, giving up on words. He threw back the covers and got
out of bed. He paid Auron no attention as he walked over to his window and
looked out into the night. Wanting Auron meant nothing. Fixing things between
them would not automatically make Auron want him back that way. It was just
some stupid teenage crush, something to occupy his daydreams with. Something
that would never amount to anything. Something that would never be. Couldn't.
He heard Auron leave the bed, felt his measured footsteps as he walked across
the room after Tidus, and knew his guardian was standing just behind him.
"Tidus."
That one word, oddly gentle and spoken so tenderly, shattered what little self-
restraint Tidus had managed to hold on to. Damn the consequences, he'd never
know if he didn't take a risk every now and then.
He turned around to face the older man, staring at him for one brief second
before grabbing Auron's collar and yanking him down the last few inches so that
their lips met.
It was the same as last time, that jolt of electric energy racing throughout
their bodies, sexually charged tension returning full force to fill the space
around them. Surprise made Auron unresistant, and Tidus took full advantage of
this shamelessly, nibbling on the man's rough lower lip, prodding it open. He
took his time exploring the man's mouth, learning, enjoying. It was a few
moments before he realized that Auron was responding, kissing him back, his
arms wrapping around Tidus to pull their bodies closer. He felt something hard
pressing at the base of his stomach then, and he moaned, involuntarily
thrusting his hips, seeking out friction.
Auron let out an amused laugh, his voice a rich, warm baritone that Tidus
decided he loved. "Perhaps we should move back to the bed," Auron suggested,
voice going slightly husky. Tidus nodded his jerky agreement, allowing Auron to
guide him over there, the promise of what was to come sending an anticipating
shudder down his spine.
Auron shoved aside covers, laying him down on the bed gently, staring down at
his boxer-clad body, admiring it. The boxers didn't last long, nor did his own
clothes. Tidus frowned when he caught side of the white bandages on Auron's
arm. "Won't that hurt?" he asked, gesturing.
"It doesn't matter," Auron said, before leaning in to kiss him. Tidus let him,
parting his lips to let Auron in, enjoying the feel of that silken tongue
exploring his mouth. Auron's hand roamed freely over his body, his touch
turning Tidus into fiery liquid. He let out another moan, hips thrust upward in
the need for contact. "A-Auron..." he gasped. "I want..."
"Want what?" Auron asked, his own voice not quite even.
"Touch me," he pleaded, raw want mixing with desire. He felt an embarrassed
flush spread across his face when Auron gave a low chuckle, but he didn't care.
Never had he wanted something so much before. Still, Auron did as asked,
wrapping his hand around Tidus, stroking lightly, the touch still enough to
make Tidus writhe helplessly beneath him.
"More," he whimpered, hardly aware he was doing it. But to his chagrin Auron
stopped, sitting up and looking down at him seriously. He tried to reach for
Auron, to feel the man's skin against his own hot, flushed body, but Auron
stayed his hand. "Have you done this before?" he asked.
Tidus actually had to stop and think about that a moment, letting his mind
catch back up to the present. "Not all the way," he answered at last.
Auron did something then, something Tidus had seen him do only once before and
had thought he'd never see again. He removed his glasses. Tidus swallowed,
knowing just how intimate of a gesture it was for Auron, to let Tidus see his
face like that. "Are you sure," Auron asked, trailing the fingers of his left
hand down Tidus' bare chest, "that you want to?"
His first instinct was to just shout "YES!" and have Auron get on with it, but
he knew Auron was quite serious about it. Still, he'd never been more sure
about anything in his life. "I want it to be with you," Tidus said softly.
Auron did not reply, just got off the bed, and for a scary few moments Tidus
thought he'd made the other man mad. Then Auron came back, bottle of potion in
hand. "Turn over," Auron commanded him, not forcefully. He did as asked,
feeling both slightly foolish and nervous at the same time. The farthest he'd
ever gone before was a groping session with one of his curious teammates, and
that had been a fast and hurried affair, hardly satisfying in the least.
He felt the bed settle with Auron's weight again, and then Auron was nudging
his thighs apart with one hand, fingers stroking over his sensitized opening.
He gave a whimper that was half fear and half want, causing Auron's hand to
still for a moment. "If you change your mind, just say so. I'll stop," Auron
told him.
Tidus shook his head. "Don't stop." Then his breath hitched in his throat as he
felt Auron's potion-coated fingers inside him, going deeper, pressing until
they hit a spot within him that made him just want to melt into a puddle. Auron
crooked a finger, eliciting a moan from Tidus. Every nerve in his body was
tingling, vibrant and aware, begging for more.
He was vaguely surprised that there hadn't really been any pain when Auron's
fingers slid easily inside him. He'd gotten the idea that this was going to
hurt, somehow. Then again, fingers weren't very big. Perhaps it was what came
after that hurt.
Auron slowly withdrew his fingers then, and Tidus couldn't help the
embarrassing sort of moan that escaped unbidden from his throat. He could hear
Auron's own ragged breathing though, and took comfort in the fact that he
wasn't always as stoic as he tried to be, that being this way with Tidus was
slowly letting out emotions he did his best to keep locked up. Actually, he
felt a little smug knowing he was the reason for Auron's slight loss of
control.
Hands against his hips then, bracing him, Auron's legs holding his own thighs
apart, and then Auron was almost slamming inside him, stretching him, filling
him.
Tidus groaned. There was pain, no denying that. But it wasn't as bad as he
expected, and it was quickly lost in a wave of pleasure as Auron began to
thrust, deep lazy strokes that made him come undone, gasping words that never
existed, words that were more raw want than actual words. It felt wonderful; it
drove him crazy. It was too much; it wasn't enough.
He arched his body back into Auron's embrace, wanting to feel Auron as deep as
possible. One hand left his hip and slid around to grasp him, the bandages on
his arm grazing against Tidus' stomach and tickling him slightly every time
Auron stroked him. They were more urgent this time, Auron recognizing Tidus'
needs and limits as if he'd been familiar with them for years.
His world exploded then, a rush of sheer ecstacy that overrode everything else
and numbed all other feeling. He barely felt it as Auron continued to thrust,
harder and faster as he neared the edge. Auron's fingers dug hard enough into
his hips to leave marks that would be bruises the next day, but he hardly felt
that either; nor did he care.
What he cared about was the here and now—this closeness with Auron he thought
he'd never experience, the feel of Auron's skin hot and sweaty against his,
Auron slick and deep inside him, Auron's breath not quite even as he fought to
maintain control of the emotions Tidus provoked in him, the faint noises
emitting from Auron's throat that Tidus could just catch if he listened hard
enough.
Then Auron's self-control shattered, a deep guttural groan bubbling up out his
throat as he reached his limit, whole body rigidly tensed and nerves coiled
tight before he relaxed again, pulling out of Tidus and collapsing next to him,
body shaking as he wrapped his arms around Tidus and pulled him close.
Tidus let him, burying his head in Auron's chest as they both fought to steady
their breathing, waiting for the beat of their heats to slow to normal. It was
a long time before anyone spoke.
"Auron?" Tidus finally murmured.
"Yes?" Auron's voice was still not quite even.
"I'm tired..."
Another of those low chuckles, making Tidus wonder if the man was out to set a
record, so rarely did he ever laugh before. "Go to sleep then."
"Um..." he voiced. He was reluctant to sleep, scared that this night meant
little much to Auron, that Auron would leave him and things would go back to
being awkward and tense between them again, something he definitely did not
want.
"I'll still be here when you wake up," Auron said gently, sensing what bothered
Tidus. "It's okay to sleep."
"Promise?" he breathed, knowing he'd never asked such a thing of Auron before.
Hoping it wasn't too much to ask.
His eyes were already sliding closed, slipping off into sleep, but he still was
awake enough to hear Auron's soft "Yes," and it reassured him. He let himself
sleep then, worn out, but content.
                                     * * *
Auron woke before Tidus the next morning, and, true to his word, stayed by the
blond's side, careful to let him sleep for as long as he needed. In the
meantime, he was content enough to watch the boy sleep, still as taken in by
him as he always had been. If the boy was beautiful awake, he was absolutely
breath-taking asleep, though Auron couldn't explain why that was so in words.
It just was.
He was still marveling over the fact that Tidus wanted him. It had taken him
completely by surprise—the pure want he'd sensed in the blond last night. He'd
spent the past two years thinking Tidus hated him for running, for abandoning
him when he needed his guardian most. To find out it wasn't true, that it was
quite the opposite in fact, was maddening. His fingers strayed absently to his
lips again, briefly. Then they left to tangle themselves in Tidus' hair,
running the length of blond strands gently, taking care not to wake him.
Tidus didn't wake for another hour, and he was pleased to see Auron still there
when he finally cracked open groggy eyes to too-bright sunlight filtering in
through the window, wincing as various aches and pains rapidly made themselves
known, a combination of both the fiend attack and the night spent with Auron.
He felt Auron's eye inquisitive upon his, and looked over at him, answering the
man's silent "what now?" with a grin. "I'm hungry."
"Hn." Auron just grunted, but Tidus could tell he was amused—his lips twitched
at the corners, ever so slightly, almost becoming a smile. "Go do something
about it, then."
"Fix me breakfast Auron, please?' he asked, begging with his eyes the way he'd
done when he was little and wanted to get away with having Auron do something
for him.
Auron sighed, and started to get out of the bed, searching about for clothes,
and Tidus knew he'd won. Apparently Auron was still unable to resist his
pleading. That brought back a memory of last night, pleading with Auron to
touch him, and his face flushed red. If Auron noticed, he didn't say anything.
                                     * * *
It was after they'd finished eating that they chanced to bring up the last bit
of unfinished business between them, both of them speaking at the same time.
"We need to talk." "Can we talk?"
They looked at each other, and then Tidus laughed, somewhat nervously. "Um," he
said. Auron nodded at him, indicating for him to go ahead. "Why'd you leave?"
Tidus demanded, not knowing what he was going to say until the words came out.
"You... didn't come back. I thought—you didn't want... to be around me." Auron
answered haltingly, choosing his words carefully.
"Oh." Tidus bit down on his lip, looking away. So it had been his fault, then,
the strained silence of two awkward years? He looked back at Auron. "It wasn't
that... It was... I was scared." His mouth twisted in a wry smile. "I thought
you'd figured it out."
"Figured what out?" Auron frowned, confusion written across his usually stoic
face.
Now it was Tidus' turn to frown, his own sudden confusion evident when he
spoke. "That I liked you. That I wanted you. It's why I always stared at you,
why I was so nervous around you. I thought you knew and I didn't want to talk
about it or have to face it..." he trailed off as he saw Auron's eye narrowing.
"You... didn't know," he said faintly, realizing. Auron shook his head.
"I didn't know."
"Then... what—" He paused, thinking back on the conversation and the week
preceding it. "It meant something to you. Even though it was just an accident.
Even though I hadn't meant for it to happen." Another pause. "Why didn't you
say something?"
"I tried," Auron said, a touch exasperated, emotion slipping through his iron
control. "You cut me off and ran."
Don't.
Tidus groaned miserably. Shit, it was his fault. Maybe the dream Auron had been
right. Maybe he was nothing. Except a stupid crybaby. He spent the last two
years in misery, wanting Auron and believing he'd never have him, all because
he had to be a coward and run away from things.
He instinctively started to stand, wanting nothing more than to run again, but
Auron was up in a flash, wrapping his arms around Tidus and holding him tight
so the blond had nowhere to go. Tidus struggled, but couldn't get free of
Auron's strong embrace. After a moment he stopped fighting it and just let
Auron hold him, focusing his anger on the tears starting to trail down his
cheeks rather than Auron.
"It was my fault!" he cried. "I shouldn't—"
"No. It wasn't either of our fault, Tidus." Auron's tone was gentle, but there
was a firm resoluteness behind it that Jecht and Braska would have recognized
immediately. It was his "I'm right, I damn well know I'm right about this, and
you are not going to argue with me about it" tone. Tidus may not have traveled
on that pilgrimage, but he too recognized the tone for what it was. He didn't
argue.
"The past is past," Auron added. "There is no time to waste on regrets." His
voice sounded oddly melancholy as he said this, and Tidus wondered what it was
in his past that Auron was thinking of. He knew by now that when Auron offered
advice, it was more of a reminder to himself to live by it than anything else.
Tidus only sighed though, and turned around to face Auron, burying his head
against Auron's chest, feeling the ridge of the scar against one cheek through
the thin fabric of the shirt he wore. Auron continued to hold him, and Tidus
allowed it, content to stand there in Auron's warm embrace. "Don't let go," he
whispered, the phrase having more meaning than Auron's arms around his.
Auron tightened his hold. "I won't."
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